What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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