my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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