he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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