Duck Duck Cougar?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
where are you?
Hypothermia
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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