worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
