I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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