apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
