I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
