help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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