I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
