those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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