On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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