oh god the rape fog is back!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
