dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
third nipple confirmed
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
