Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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