I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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