According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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