Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
