You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm like, not good at living.
You ate ashes out of my bong
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
