I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
