i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
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