Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Bring me that man meat
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
