cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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