just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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