@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
