Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
