I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
