guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I had to cum in my sink.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
