Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
