He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
