I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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