Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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