She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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