I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
