Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
