Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
