just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
