I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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