Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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