So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
