I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
