Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
