8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
