you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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