what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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