did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
