happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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