Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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