Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
