would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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