she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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