i think my mom watched the whole time
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
