My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
