wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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