dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
