I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
