Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
