she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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