You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
