I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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